Organize your attitude #46
“No, I’ll do it.”
We often associate these words with two-year-olds, eager to enter the larger world and assert their independence.
However, too often mothers are the ones saying it – perhaps not in so many words, but by their actions.
Would you rather do it yourself?
Of course we can do things better and faster than our children, but they need to gain experience by helping out. They need to learn independence, which comes after messing up and making it right.
We have our own ways of doing things, so it’s hard to let husbands help, who also have their own way; but we’re crazy if we refuse help because it’s not just Right. And, FYI, criticizing someone’s help is refusing to accept it.
If you’re trapped in a burnt out mode, unable to keep up and incapable of putting a smile on it, one way out is to let go of situation-control and share the load.
Share the load with your husband.
Have a weekend chat over coffee or a post-bedtime ice cream-in-the-kitchen date and get your husband’s feedback on the state of the family and the house.
His expectations and perspective will likely be different from yours – listen to him. Share your perspective and expectations, but in a way that is open to correction; do not try to force yours on him. Being out of the middle of the action much of the time gives him a different view that is valuable, not uninformed.
If he offers to help in some way, thank him – don’t counter-offer or hold against him that you would have rather had a different sort of help. If he has ideas, give them a shot, rather than shooting them out of the water.
Share the load with your children.
Spend the time necessary to train them and check up on them – it might not feel like help at first, but after awhile it will pay off.
Reserve time – maybe even set a timer – for an all-family EHAP before dinner or bedtime. Everyone pitching in together makes the work more pleasant and faster.
Share the load with your friends.
When most of our work is in our own homes, it’s easy to become disconnected from our friends.
Take the time to send a text, make a call, arrange a visit – regularly. Share life with another mom. The camaraderie alone lightens the load as we realize our difficulties and troubles are not unique, but common. With a friend, laugh about life and swap everyday solutions that are working for you. It might not feel deep or meaningful, but it is. It’s sharing the dailiness of life.
Life is better lived alongside others. Connect your duties with your relationships and don’t try to do it all on your own, by yourself.
Sharing the load will lighten your load – not necessarily the work load, but the emotional load.